we can't always be lovely and glowing

"i want to get lost.
I want to find meaning alone by myself.
an exploration that will take me far and wide.
bare.
i must go!
where shall i begin?
lost is where i'll be found."

so i spent all of last week taking construction courses for work. i guess so i can get better at my job. i remember dad saying to me: this is a hard course, it's going to take a lot of work, we'd like to be sure you're willing to commit to it and stay working with us here for a while.

i said i was.
i think that was a lie.
well, it wasn't at the time. but it is now. and here's the reason why:

i shouldn't feel like i have anything holding me back.
from going
and living
and being
and creating
and loving

from living.

i want to explore my young 20 year old life.
i dont want to be the construction administration lady.
i want to be the traveler.
the explorer.

i want to make beautiful art from all corners of the world.

and what better time to do it than now?

so, thats what i'm going to do.

[i'm going to fall out of line.]