we can't always be lovely and glowing

"i want to get lost.
I want to find meaning alone by myself.
an exploration that will take me far and wide.
bare.
i must go!
where shall i begin?
lost is where i'll be found."

so i spent all of last week taking construction courses for work. i guess so i can get better at my job. i remember dad saying to me: this is a hard course, it's going to take a lot of work, we'd like to be sure you're willing to commit to it and stay working with us here for a while.

i said i was.
i think that was a lie.
well, it wasn't at the time. but it is now. and here's the reason why:

i shouldn't feel like i have anything holding me back.
from going
and living
and being
and creating
and loving

from living.

i want to explore my young 20 year old life.
i dont want to be the construction administration lady.
i want to be the traveler.
the explorer.

i want to make beautiful art from all corners of the world.

and what better time to do it than now?

so, thats what i'm going to do.

[i'm going to fall out of line.]

oh me oh my

i got some new pants and a sweater from UO this weekend.
sometimes i'm glad we finally got one here... but then it takes all the fun out of wanted to go to seattle to shop there.

when i bend my knees they crackle like a fire. no joke. its sick.

i went and saw dan in real life at the dollar theater. i think i liked it. i want to buy the soundtrack. maybe i just liked the music. thats all.

i'm renting out my lovesac (blissbag) so if anyone wants to come share a room with me, i'd be delighted.

sometimes

i just want to scream:

I'M STILL HERE TOO!



you know?

business woman

today mike asked me if i would consider being his sort of personal assistant. i said yes. we're hiring a new secretary to work part time in the afternoons... so i will no longer be a receptionist.

wooooooo.


i've been listening to damien rice - i remember
over and over and over
everytime it ends, i want to hear it again.


i need to take a shower.
bye.

casper the friendly ghost

i worked until midnight last night.
i'm worn out.
it sucks that since i dont have a husband or children, that means i can afford to do things like work on a proposal until the wee hours.

i just remembered that we have a typewriter laying around somewhere in the office. i hope we didn't throw it away because i want to take it home.

i think i'll take presley to the mall today.

bye.

“This church does not belong to its President. Its head is the Lord Jesus Christ, whose name each of us has taken upon ourselves. We are all in this great endeavor together. We are here to assist our Father in His work and His glory. . . . Your obligation is as serious in your sphere of responsibility as is my obligation in my sphere. No calling in this church is small or of little consequence.”