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i can hear presley all the way downstairs from up in my room. i think she's singing "crinkle crinkle star" or maybe its "dabay to you" thats happy birthday. presley is becoming my best little friend. sometimes she'll make this strange rumbling noise and look at me with a weird smile because she wants me to say "presley, did you just burp" then she'll do it again and again until the rumble turns into a scream. we took a nap in my bed yesterday and she pulled her big girl legs out of the blanket and set them right on top of my belly. i can't believe how big she's getting. i remember the day we met and how brave and protective i had to be in that scary hospital. i remember how calm natalie seemed and i couldn't believe it because i was a nervous mother/sister wreck and i thought my heart was going to pound right out of my chest. it seems like we were in the room for hours before anyone else in the family finally showed up. we were all scattered around not expecting this at all, but when the time came and it happened, we all gathered into that little hospital room and sat quietly. dad in a chair by the window, grandma sitting down then standing up then sitting then standing. jade and i in another corner. mom and chaz in their white scrubs holding natalie's hand as they wheeled her away. i don't think much was said between the four of us while she was gone.


it definitely didn't go how we were expecting it to go. the birth story that is. but all that follows is nothing short of a teeny tiny little presley baby miracle.

and my best friend.

friday.

i turned off my alarm clock this morning and slept in. Got up, showered, went to work. Thats my life now, get up, shower, work. and sometimes finding spaces to stick a few things in between waking up, showering, going to work and then back to bed. Today is supposed to be my half work day but mike asked me to stay until he got back from his meeting, so i'm here, an hour after i was supposed to be off. Just waiting around and being the fairy godmother to the secretaries and doing things like opening the mail and filing. I'm in second place for the longest time spent as a Larson JUB employee. 4 years in August.

BAH! what am i some sort of total nerd?

yes.
Publish Post

long gone

i'm still waiting for my something special.









i'm excited for my dc trip with jeff. i smell lots of museums and wandering time.
i'm excited for my new business lady/career woman job. it makes me feel important...
i ate a lot of purple grapes, taught presley how to say please, and edited a 1000 page document today.

i might even go make cookies before i go to bed.

i feel like i never have time to talk to anyone anymore... and that no one knows anything about my life.
i'm here.
i'll start writing more.

goodnight flicker bugs.

a poem

We're connected to the world

In the way that our tears

Are made of salt water. And

When we cry – we cry pieces of the ocean.

We're connected to the world

In the way that

our lungs are made of

tree roots and branches. And

when we exhale

we pollinate that world

with our souls and hearts and beauty.

We're connected to the world

In the way that

The place it's oxygen goes when it

Gets sucked into our bodies

Is right into our core –

The very shelf that

Holds our soul.

We're connected to the world

In the way that

We leave footprints in the mud. And

the way those footprints create

Maps of each of our lives

Forever pounded into the earth.

We're connected to the world

In the way that

When it spins

We don't get dizzy.

And as the earth rotates

On it's invisible axis,

So do we.

And the only true way to tell

How old we really are

Is to cut us in half

And count the rings on our stumps.

Or the black dots on our little red backs.

Or to add 7 years to every 1 year.

And when we die,

I like to think that if you

Opened us up

You'd find the most

perfect,

rare,

round,

beautiful,

Pearl.

[The one the earth planted deep inside of us when we were born.]

we can't always be lovely and glowing

"i want to get lost.
I want to find meaning alone by myself.
an exploration that will take me far and wide.
bare.
i must go!
where shall i begin?
lost is where i'll be found."

so i spent all of last week taking construction courses for work. i guess so i can get better at my job. i remember dad saying to me: this is a hard course, it's going to take a lot of work, we'd like to be sure you're willing to commit to it and stay working with us here for a while.

i said i was.
i think that was a lie.
well, it wasn't at the time. but it is now. and here's the reason why:

i shouldn't feel like i have anything holding me back.
from going
and living
and being
and creating
and loving

from living.

i want to explore my young 20 year old life.
i dont want to be the construction administration lady.
i want to be the traveler.
the explorer.

i want to make beautiful art from all corners of the world.

and what better time to do it than now?

so, thats what i'm going to do.

[i'm going to fall out of line.]

oh me oh my

i got some new pants and a sweater from UO this weekend.
sometimes i'm glad we finally got one here... but then it takes all the fun out of wanted to go to seattle to shop there.

when i bend my knees they crackle like a fire. no joke. its sick.

i went and saw dan in real life at the dollar theater. i think i liked it. i want to buy the soundtrack. maybe i just liked the music. thats all.

i'm renting out my lovesac (blissbag) so if anyone wants to come share a room with me, i'd be delighted.

sometimes

i just want to scream:

I'M STILL HERE TOO!



you know?

business woman

today mike asked me if i would consider being his sort of personal assistant. i said yes. we're hiring a new secretary to work part time in the afternoons... so i will no longer be a receptionist.

wooooooo.


i've been listening to damien rice - i remember
over and over and over
everytime it ends, i want to hear it again.


i need to take a shower.
bye.

casper the friendly ghost

i worked until midnight last night.
i'm worn out.
it sucks that since i dont have a husband or children, that means i can afford to do things like work on a proposal until the wee hours.

i just remembered that we have a typewriter laying around somewhere in the office. i hope we didn't throw it away because i want to take it home.

i think i'll take presley to the mall today.

bye.

“This church does not belong to its President. Its head is the Lord Jesus Christ, whose name each of us has taken upon ourselves. We are all in this great endeavor together. We are here to assist our Father in His work and His glory. . . . Your obligation is as serious in your sphere of responsibility as is my obligation in my sphere. No calling in this church is small or of little consequence.”