something happened.

When it happened, I was sad that I hadn’t yet had a Briana Moment. Or a something-special that only she and I shared. Until now. Until just barely. Last week. I had my moment:

because I’ve thought about it.
never said it out loud.
never thought too deeply.
but it was strange to me that it’s entered my mind a few times
since that day.

but then – my phone rings and it’s my mom and its out of nowhere
“hello”
“hi”
“steen, do you want to be a midwife? I will help you.”

and my heart stopped.
because I’ve thought it
and I’ve felt it.
and my mom felt it.
there has to have been something
that made us feel it:
someone.

That feeling in my guts -
it makes sense now.
it was her.
she is still here.

And I’m not that kind of person.
I don’t rise.
I don’t change.
I’m safe.
I’m comfortable.

Things like this don’t happen to me -
but this happened to me.

I felt it
my mom felt it
and she knew.

she is not far from us.
not far at all, actually.
and there is some unfinished business.

I would be doing her, myself, and all of the women who missed out on their chance to have a Briana Moment, a disservice
if I didn’t listen to that tiny little twitch in my guts
that is whispering:
Rise. Tread water. Get in over your head. Race your heart.
Go. Do it. You have to do it.

I have to do it.